Why is it so difficult for Black men and Black women to stay together? We can definitely be attracted to each other, intimate with each other, and even create babies together, but when it comes to a Black man and a Black woman joining together to create one union living under one roof for a lifetime, then the ties seems to go sour. I have a theory.

I believe the root of this issue stems all the way back to slavery. The physical and mostly mental breakdown of a group of people can certainly cause a ripple effect for generations to come, and I believe our people are still seeing the affects of about 100 years of slavery. And why not? If we can recognize that slavery and prejudice still affects American society today, then why not think that it still effects the descendents of those who endured it. So, how does it affect Black relationships? Well, during slavery, as most people know, Black people were treated as livestock. Slavery was a business. Blacks were sold, traded, and bred, just as horses and cattle were. And just like horses and cattle, Black people were tamed and broken in order to make their captivity easier for their owners. There was actually a famous slave owner who wrote a “foolproof” process for doing this, and he guaranteed that it would last for at least 300 years (which means his plan should still be in effect today). There is an article located in the History section (History of our Black Families → “Origins of the Broken Black Family”) that contains a link to the full text of his process and I suggest everyone read it. In short, what he did was reverse the mental roles of the man and the woman.

The innate urge for a woman wanting to be protected, and cared for, was replaced by the necessity to be the provider, protector, and strength of her family, which should be the role of the man. Now this causes a ripple in the balance, and hence most the issues we have today with our relationships. This is where the excuses like “Black women are always angry” or “Black men don’t know how to be man enough” or “Black women don’t know how to be submissive, or let a man be a man”, etc.. And the blame keeps getting tossed back and forth because everyone is wondering what’s wrong, and since it’s been that way for so long, it’s hard to say exactly what it is, but it’s easier to point fingers.

The reality of it is that both Black men and Black women have a damaged past to overcome. From the stereotypes, to our own baggage and bitter states that our past may have left us in; over time, things will not get better until our people learn how to rise above the finger pointing and petty issues and decide to work through the frustrations and love each other again. Yes, Black men need to realize that their sisters love them and still want them despite the labels that have been placed on them, but once you get past the hurt and wall that she has up, then you will find a treasure. And yes, Black women need to realize that there are hard working, intelligent brothers out there that can love them completely without cheating on them or dragging them through the ditches of emotional distress. Stop placing each other in categories and looking for the first reason to bail out. Find out who that individual is minus your preconceived conclusions, and make it your agenda to find Black love because it’s a beautiful thing.